DRUNK.

oh wow. Jess is drunkkkkkkk. like bvery drunk. ikeep presing the wrong buttons. okay so i went ot wheelers as usual. evbery thursday night occurance. however this aprticular thurrsday i ihave drunk alot. like... three elevates (1.9 standard drinks each) and one double black smirnogff and one normal vodka cruiser. i am still drunk at 2:36 am an dmy head is spinning and i hoep i wont be dutnrk for uni tomorow.. or tather later today.

but i have come to the conclusion that a drunk jess is not a good jess. generally (and all my clsoe friends particularly no this) when i am drunk i speak my mind- "drunk words are sober thoughts". and this tends to get me into pickles.. i.e i say things that shouldnt really be said that create awkward moments. for example "blah blah I HATE HER blah blah" or "blah blah I CANT BELIEVE YOU DO THAT blah blah YOUR A FOOL blah blah NO ONE LIKES YOU blah blah". Like honestly who am I to say such things. the thing is when i get immensly drunk i lose my brain filter and everything i have ever wanted to say just spills out of my mouth like offensive verbal vomit. I just say what i think and feel and as such the things i say are not necessarily kind or nice. So i have come to the conclusion that in order to STOP embarasing my self and STOP making a fool of myself i should STOP drinking. drinking is bad. dont get me wrong i obviously LOVE alcohol but it is bad it turns me into a person i don't wanna be. i'm sick of saying things that i end up regretting .. or saying things that people go "OH NO SHE REALLY SHOULDNT HAVE SAID THAT". so to all the people i have embarassed or offended i say to you SORRY.. sory i said what i said.. sorry i meant it.. and sorry that it made you feel guilty, uncomfortable or belittled. you didnt deserve it and I sure as hell don't have a right to say such things.

From now on I am going to make a concsious effor to stop drinking and to take more responsibility of myself and my actions.

That is all .. thanks for reading. now if only my head would stop ringing.. BLEHHH.

PEACE.. xxx

First blog. @ 3:41am, crazzzyyyy.

Okay so I finally decided to post a blog entry, and what do you know it's at some god-forsaken hour in the morning and Jess can't sleep. Or rather doesn't want to sleep. You know why I can't sleep... it's because when ever I make my mind up to go to sleep and then I attempt to sleep I can't because I have like a million zillion thoughts running through my head. Just random thoughts.. sometimes there about what I plan to do the next day, or about what is currently stressing me or they can even be about my wants and dreams. But they just happen to plague my mind at odd hours of the morning and have thus resulted in my appauling sleeping habits. Seriously I want to be a normal person.. someone who goes to bed by 10pm and wakes up feeling 'fresh' at 10am. But no.. that's not Jess.. no.. I go to bed at 4am and get up at 2pm. And then my minds all fucked and I can't concentrate on anything!!

So by now you would've gathered that I am a whinger... but isn't whinging a female trait.. like its innane right?? Like I have to whinge. C'mon theres just SO MUCH to whinge about.. like for example my lack of money, my 3000 word contract assignment due this Monday which I have not started or my $115 parking fine. I could just go on and on and on.

Well anyways I think I should try and sleep. But it's been fun writing this.. haha and bear in mind that I am using the term 'fun' very loosely here.

So for a first blog.. I think its A-OKAY. Til next time.. Ciao xx